OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Unemployment may be at 6.5 percent -- its highest level in 15 years -- but nothing can stop the Resourceful Crowd at 7th and Montana from Reaching for the Stars. Take Barista Tyler (pictured here). Today he announced a Bold, New Career Move: He's moonlighting as a D.J. for a Silent Auction. "Tyler," I said, "I'm so happy for you but I just have one question: What sort of opportunity can there be for a D.J. at a Silent Auction?!?" "It's all about knowing your audience," he said. And no one knows audiences better than Tyler. Just last week, while doing some audience work for "Wheel of Fortune," he won a Genuine Pat Sajak Doll. In other employment news, "Mrs. Gabe" landed an interesting new job, playing the part of a Princess at a Birthday Bash for Christian Slater's daughter and Local Newshound Dennis announced that his sister just won the contract to develop and manage all of the retail space at the 9-11 Memorial in New York. As for me, not that I'm looking, but opportunity even came knocking at my door this morning. Our Favorite City Councilman appointed me to a Top Post at 7th and Montana. "I want you to make sure no Bums hang around here!," he said. Moments later, as if on cue, three police officers arrived on the scene and arrested the same Derelict who just yesterday fished his breakfast out of the Garbage Can. Evidently, at some point after Breakfast, he tried to beat up a Little Old Lady ...