EXCESS BAGGAGE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Tension was mounting at 7th and Montana this morning as a Mysterious, Unattended Suitcase appeared in our midst. "If this was an airport, they'd be sending in a Bomb Squad right about now," said Joyce, while the rest of us eyed the suitcase -- a large "wheelie" with multiple compartments -- with growing suspicion. Moments later, the owner emerged and it turned out to be someone with Plenty of Baggage to spare: the Local Eccentric otherwise known as a Boy named Sue. Last seen a month ago wearing a skin-tight miniskirt with strap-on breasts, "Sue" was a bit more subdued today. He elected to dress like a man. Speaking of elections, with just two days to go until November 4th, I prevailed on Our Favorite City Councilman, Bobby Shriver, for some more advice regarding Santa Monica politics. While I'm pretty clear on most of the statewide and local initiatives, I needed some advice regarding who -- besides Bobby -- should be on the City Council. He recommends Ted Winterer. Now my only question -- one which no one seems able to answer -- is: "Who is most qualified to be a Judge on the L.A. County Superior Court?" I'm tempted to vote for Rocky Crabb. With a name like that, you just know he's clawed his way to the top ...!