FRIGHTS ON FLIGHTS ... ON LUFTHANSA!

It was a long day's journey into fright on Lufthansa Flight #457 to Berlin yesterday as a Hyperactive Young Tyke used the plane as his own personal jungle gym. He repeatedly tried to climb over one of the bulkheads ... and, much to my surprise, no one stopped him. Then, again, he wasn't the only person climbing the walls. Another Problem Child, sitting directly in front of me, spent most of the flight moaning loudly in what sounded like Pig Latin. "Oiby boiby doiby yutz ...!," he yelled, "Grawbly wobbly glub glub glub!" "What kind of language is that?," asked the man sitting next to me, after about five hours of nonstop babbling. "Oh, it's a little known tongue spoken mainly in the German countryside," I replied, "Allow me to translate: He just said, "You call this rubbery mess chicken? I ought to feed your entrails to Colonel Sanders!" The child continued babbling. "Yunk Yunk Plunk Plunk Grrrrrrrr!" "Now he's complaining about the bathroom," I added, "He's just told the Flight Attendant: 'That sewer you call a lavatory is nothing but an overgrown petrie dish. Mark my words, the sanitation department will hear of this!" Anyhow, I finally made it to Berlin safe and sound, just in time to climb another wall. The remnants of the Berlin Wall (pictured below) are right outside my hotel.