Saturday, August 20, 2011


It was one of those "Only in L.A." moments at Euclid and Wilshire this afternoon as I tried to run an errand, but ended-up on another planet. I walked into what I thought was the UPS store, only to find myself surrounded by an eclectic mix of 'healthy' merchandise ranging from bottled enzymes to fuel enhancers. "This isn't the UPS store, is it?," I asked, tenuously. "Ha, Ha ... No, my friend," said the shopkeeper, "They're next door. But something tells me you're in the right place. You're into healthy living, no?" He had an indefinable accent, the kind that always brings me back to the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul. "You bet," I said, "Healthy living is what I'm all about." "Great, then take a look around." I quietly whipped out my Spycam and asked him about the pendant he was wearing around his neck. It looked like the kind of hokey necklace an extra might wear in an Indiana Jones movie. "Oh this," he said, "It's made from natural lava and it protects you from all forms of unhealthy influences which every day poke holes in your biosphere. It's wonderful for your aura." I expressed as much enthusiasm as I could muster. Maybe I went overboard because what he said next came as a real shock. "I can see you're a man of discriminating taste. How would you like a free store? Yes, completely free!" He handed me a pamphlet which read "Ask me how to get a free store!" and detailed the many benefits of running a store without any overhead whatsoever. "NO geographic restrictions; NO financial risk!; NO monthly expenses!, NO cost of goods!" The brochure went on and on. It even included an ad for the pendant he was wearing, which retails for $196, but thanks to the fact that the store doesn't have any expenses whatsoever you can get it for only $120. "Do you sell any lollipops?," I asked. "No," the man chuckled, but we sell everything else. I guess that proves my point. There really isn't a sucker born every minute, afterall ...!


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Looks like Elvis sitting there.

Paula said...

Every time I accept anything free I seem to get into trouble.