Friday, August 26, 2011


Smoke was practically coming out of my ears this morning at 7th and Montana as for the second day in a row, the same Crusty Crabapple deliberately smoked up a storm in front of Our Favorite Starbucks, even though he knew he was breaking the law. The fun began yesterday, when Richard tried to explain to the Crabapple that smoking within 20-feet of the door to a restaurant or a bus stop is illegal in Santa Monica. The Crabapple ignored him and something in me snapped. I flew into a rage. I have no problem if someone wants to smoke. That's their prerogative. But second-hand smoke, according to the Centers for Disease Control, contains at least 250 known toxic chemicals, including more than 50 that cause cancer. I have no intention of being exposed to that if I can help it. "Excuse me, you're not listening," I growled, "You're breaking the law. Put your cigarette out or leave." The Crabapple tried to ignore me but I wouldn't let him. "Did you hear me?," I continued, "Do you want me to call the Police?!?" That got his attention. He turned to me and said, "I can smoke here. I'm within the law." I recited the law to him. Finally, exasperated, he tried to reason with me. "So," he said, "Do you want to live a long time?" "Yes," I replied, "As a matter of fact, I do." "Well, let me tell you how you can do just that ..."," he began. "Tell me whatever you want," I said, "As long as you do it from at least 20 feet away." He huffed (and puffed) off -- and I thought we'd seen the last of him -- but no. He returned again this morning, hell bent on exposing us all to more of his toxins. I didn't waste any time whipping out my Spycam. I took his picture and called the authorities faster than you can say Lucky Strike. Mr. Crabapple: If you're out there, you'll be pleased to know that the Santa Monica No Smoking Hotline now has several not-so-flattering photographs of you on file puffing up a storm in a no smoking zone. Please come by tomorrow so they can slap you with a fine ...!


Paula said...

Good for you!

Anonymous said...


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Don't mess with the Martinator!